It really only takes a moment of realization to figure out the thing you've been dwelling on. Sometimes it may be not what you wanted or an unpleasant realization, but a realization none the less.
Ever since I left York and started fresh at OCAD I've been lonely... even my brother tells me to go out... I use to be the girl that was out every weekend and didn't come home until late hours. I quickly used family to fill in the hole, but soon my heart fell for someone. Slowly, I've used different parts of my life to replace the emptiness of where my friends use to be. Today during my quiet time it strike me that I can not continue to do that to myself. It's not healthy. The intimacy that my friends gave me can not be taken over by a different part of me. I've been spending a lot of time with Him and having an assurance that things will turn around.
Even though at school I've been constantly battling and struggling to make friends, but i have been attending RCCF and people are very welcoming and I think I've found a new fellowship that i can rely on. I know it will take time to find my comfort within, but I know I am finished with hiding from my problems. I don't need to have a guy to give me the intimacy that i was lacking, but friends and brothers and sisters in Christ to support and help me stand back up.
Sometimes the truth is harsh, but it's true. Now I'm left with the question, did I really like him or was I seeking for intimacy in the wrong place? I guess I will never know... as I continue to walk forward and put all feelings aside. There are some things better knowing earlier than later... before you fall too deep in.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition , with thanksgiving, present your request to God. - Philippians 4:6 This verse is always a good reminder! we're human and can only do so much. you know you can always count on Him and rely on Him in the good days or bad.
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